Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2016 4:29:54 GMT
Popularity.
It’s really fitting that it got brought up in my social feed tonight when it was exactly the topic of this little... well whatever you want to call this.
In the high class society in which I grew up, I already brought up how none of it was ever genuine and that I often use it as an excuse for not being very socially adept. Every social skill I learned was based on something ingenuine.
As a result, I am not trusting and unable to provide the kind of comfort that people want from a friend.
Maybe deep down, I want to have a gaggle of friends. Women that gossip and do the girls night thing but really... it’s so far deep down that you would need an extractor to get to it. That’s how little I think about or am concerned about my popularity here in EOW.
Unlike some people, I’m not here to sleep around and get an STD. I’m not here to make foolish alliances. I’m here to win. I am here to succeed. I am here to do something that is in my DNA. I know that it’s more a figure of speech than an actual biological trait but I know that I have what it takes and I am determined to show the doubters that writing me off now is the biggest mistake they could make.
And unlike others, I am perfectly fine with keeping my own company. Friends are overrated gold diggers that simply want to milk off what you have and then bombard you with their problems hoping you will somehow give them the magic answer so that it can all just go away.
I may have grown up not wanting for anything but I’m not an idiot. I know what makes the world go around and frankly, Unless you can find me a friend that feels the exact same way that I do and shares my interests, (Honestly though, skeet shooting as a woman is kind of a niche so good luck with that and no, NES duck hunt high scorer doesn’t count) then I am fine with my solidarity.
Perfectly fine.
***
Bored.
You can only do things so many times before boredom takes over. Even television offered little to entertain me.
Holli was in a pre-surgery prep appointment and it was taking forever. The magazines were all months old and unless I was interested in what miracle diet Jessica Simpson used to lose baby weight (scratch that, this magazine was YEARS old) or how to make a casserole using potato chips and tomato soup than that was a complete bust. The TV was playing the same five episodes of some ridiculous 90’s show that got cancelled before it was picked up for more seasons. The humour made me yawn. Was this stuff really funny back then? I wouldn't know considering that the year this came out, I was already taking cello lessons. (Not that they really worked out too well)
No service on my phone except for emergency and I wasn’t calling 911 again just to hear someone human. Last time it had almost got me arrested.
Don’t judge. Sometimes you just need to make sure it wasn’t a dream and there really were other people on the ground beneath your ivory tower.
I was almost ready to lose my mind when Holli emerges. She smiles at me and I stand, trying to be positive for her.
“So, what did he say?”
Holli nods. “He says that the scar tissue will be the main issue but they should have no problem repairing the damaged ligament. They don’t know for sure if it will be enough to allow me to start dancing again but it’s better chances than what I have now.”
My cousin Holli had been in an abusive relationship (No, not Jack in case you were wondering. From what I have been told, he was actually very sweet and loving... but enough about that. yuck) and her ex had knocked her down a flight of stairs, tearing the ligament in her right ankle. Because she couldn’t afford the surgery then, she’d had to take a leave of absence from the ballet company she was in and in so doing, they let her go. She lost everything. Her dancing, her mind. She’d started doing a different kind of dancing before finally getting her life back in order and moving home. She’d met Jack not long afterwards. I think out of everything in her life, he was the only true regret she had. As in, regretting not still being with him but she seemed to have accepted it now. I think the rehab did that. She could technically dance now, but she would be in a serious amount of pain and her movements wouldn’t be as smooth as they should be.
“That’s... good?” I ask, not sure exactly what I should say or do.
“Yes. It’s good news. I go in for surgery next week. I want to thank you again Harper for doing this. I know it’s not cheap and...”
I cut her off. “Stop it. If I hear you thank me one more time I’m going to be sick all over this horrible outdated waiting room.’
The girl behind the counter raises an eyebrow.
“Oh stop. We both know that this is horrible in here.”
The woman nods her head and then shrugs. She gets paid, that’s all she cares about really.
Holli and I make our way out to the car. My Dad had a driver and he insisted that I use him when I needed to go places even though I had my license and was actually a pretty good driver myself. But it was nice to never have to worry about parking and traffic.
“We’ve never been close so it’s a shock to me that you want to help me with everything.”
“Sometimes, we forget the value of things we already have when we constantly look for new things to fill the void in our hearts.”
Holli smiles, it goes all the way to her dark eyes. “Wow Harper, that was incredibly deep...”
“Don’t get excited. It was on a fortune cookie from lunch.”
Holli laughs, I give her an amused smirk.
“You’re deadpan humour is great.”
If only she knew that half the time she thought something was a joke it was serious she might not think I am such a great cousin all the time.
There is a couple moments of silence as we move toward the apartment. An apartment in which my cousin was staying with us in. She was my project to say the least. I was determined to make her like new again. Maybe there was a bit of family attachment there but mostly it was just something to do. Having my own lifesize barbie doll.
“Soooo... have you talked to Jack yet?”
There it was. She was wondering about it, I could tell but had been waiting for the right opportunity to ask.
“No. I keep asking when he would like to meet up and he’s been busy. I’m not someone to push things Holli. Not my style. I will help him get his runt back but it’s not because I’m anything close to being a good person. It’s just because maybe if he does get that girl back, he’ll stop bitching about it on chatter and his promos. So annoying.”
Holli just stares at me.
“What?”
She shakes her head.
“It’s okay to admit that you kinda like him you know.”
“I don’t. Not in the least. Besides, what’s that rule... ‘sisters before misters’ or something? I’m not about to take your sloppy seconds. That is gross.”
Holli laughs. “No. I mean that you want to kinda... align with him. In the company. He might have a bit of a loose cannon reputation but he’ll never really lie about how he feels about something. It’s partly why I fell... I mean why I dated him...”
I look at her seriously.
“If Jack contacted you and said he wanted you back, you would consider it wouldn’t you? You haven’t stopped loving him...”
She scoffs but I see the blush on her cheeks.
“Look, Jack and I never said those words to each other. It was kinda... implied. But like you said, I’m not even a thought in his mind so it’s obvious that he didn’t actually feel the same way I did. It’s fine though. I’m mostly over it.”
I roll my eyes.
“Yeah and you nearly overdosed to get over him too. I don’t want you to get back with him. I would much rather you find a nice, stable well paid guy that can take care of you and treat you like the lady you deserve to be. Don’t worry Holli. I know your real connection is waiting for you.”
Holli doesn’t look convinced thought. “Right. You’re right... I promise. That’s done.”
“Good.”
But I didn’t believe it. Not that she would go out looking for him but if he called her up and said he was sorry, she would be there for him in a heartbeat.
I don’t think I will ever understand love because I never plan on having it. Love makes you do stupid things like getting married, living together... kids. God. Kids. If I could skip the ages of Newborn to like ten I totally would...
But since I didn't want to adopt someone else's mistake and I was not willing to let a parasite take over my body for nearly ten months, kids were never going to happen. If my Dad wanted grandchildren he could have one of my brothers do it.
I wasn't even sure if I wanted to ever get married and having a boyfriend was so far off my radar. Complete non-issue.
Holli is looking out the side window, this far away look in her eyes.
No, I was determined to keep Holli far away from Jack Owyns.
I hated funerals, especially ones for family members and Holli’s wasn't one I wanted to attend while I was still young, and that's exactly where she would end up getting involved with him again.
“We should order in.” I say breaking the silence. “Perhaps...”
She cuts me off. “Pizza”
“Holland...Do I look like someone that likes pizza?”
Holli laughs. “As much as you want to groom me to fit into your world Harper, I think that I’m going to have a bit of an influence on you. Don’t treat food like something evil. I’ll show you.”
Harper rolls her eyes.
