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Post by Jason Kaine on Sept 5, 2016 1:42:24 GMT
I know it's short but I'd love some feedback on my CD rp.
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Post by Trixie on Sept 5, 2016 1:52:36 GMT
Hi. So read it and he does come across as a guy who thinks of himself as a big shot. One thing for me is it looks like it's an On-Camera thing. Press and everything, so a handy [On-Camera] tag at the top of it would be nice, if it is of course. Interesting to know he has Roxxanne supporting her husband with public appearances. It was short like you said, I was hoping to have just a bit more definition on Roxxanne and him. She strikes me so far as a cold woman.
I did like the press didn't shut up when he put his hand up, that little bit was very vivid lol for some reason. You do have a good grip on him from what I read, smack talk and everything comes naturally.
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Post by Ernie Parker on Sept 5, 2016 12:58:40 GMT
I liked some of the descriptives and use of language in the piece. I thought you constructed it well. I did spot a couple of niggly little typos (which I always look out for, to a fault at times) but it was literally nothing that took away from the piece at all. The actual press conference piece is a classic in this hobby - almost like a go-to scene when you've got nothing else to work with. There's nothing wrong with that if it's done a little differently than most, or done in a way that's original or fresh. I've gotta say though, I've probably seen the "quintessential bad guy give verbal abuse at the lowly press" roleplay more times than I've seen any other kind of roleplay, so in that regard it was a little predictable. That's me being honest, which I'll only ever be with feedback.
I guess what I'd say to you in terms of moving forward is don't be afraid to get creative with your ideas, because you have a really solid literary execution. There's no doubt about that. When you mentioned that Kaine is your main character, I had notions of a guy with deep rooted history and a ton of back story, so to not see that was a bit of a shame. Then again, you've got plenty of opportunity to let us, as an audience who may not be familiar with Kaine, get more of an insight into who he is, what he's about, what his relationship with Roxxanne is like, what makes them tick, what they've been through to get here, etc.
Well written, as I say.
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